Words
Monday, January 30, 1995 - 5:45pm
I'm really testing the limits of creativity while in a state of exhaustion. I have been working 12-20 hour days for the last week, including a session that ran until 5:30 am this morning, followed by a full day of work and another full evening of creative activity. I'm feeling the physical effects pretty heavily right now, though my output last night seemed to remain quite effective. We'll see if the same holds true for another night.
Last night's effort was actually a bit different than typical. Most of my creative work involves visual arts and the mathematical logic of programming. Last night, I wrote. Is verbal creativity the same as the visual or the logical kinds? Certainly the internal process was similar to the one I sometimes see with my visual work. Lacking any direction, I initially floundered. Just as my graphic art languishes in the absence of an external inspiration, a purpose to which the art can be applied.
Again, as with my graphical work, my wife provided the kernel of my creativity. She doesn't suffer from my problem with writing - she is able to free associate in words, dumping thoughts on paper prior to reordering and polishing. My writing style tends to be over-edited in my own mind. I am a good editor. Perhaps too good. The editor inside constricts the free outflow of ideas, for fear that they won't be expressed perfectly. Signs of this appeared back in my school days, too, when essay tests sometimes resulted in a single rather brief paragraph, my ideas caught up and strangled by the quest for perfect phrasing.
If I can repress the internal editor for a while, I know I can write. Colette's initial work made that possible. Based on her initial ideas, I was able to take off and complete the task. Not to perfection - the final product still needs editing - but nonetheless, a usable, complete product with which to begin.
[ Out of Balance ]
author: Gerry
Manacsa
copyright 1996